He was late. Many people are late but he was later than most. He’d promised his wife fifteen times today that he wouldn’t work late. He’d promised…and then the project came up. Not just any project but the project that he thought was going to make his career. Except it didn’t. And it wouldn’t. And now he was late and he had to take a shortcut.
He normally wouldn’t take this shortcut. It was a bad area and had been since the mid-eighties. The city kept saying that it would revitalize this district. That it would send more patrols down there but then the police commissioner had been caught in a scandal and the budget for the whole justice department had been slashed so this area just got worse. But it was the only way he was going to get home on time. The only way. He kept saying it to himself over and over and over again. She would leave him. The only way. I can make it. I will make it.
The man’s eyes saw a shape. A blurry shape walking away. The shape of salvation receding. Of hope diminishing. He tried to cry out. Tried to reach out. Tried anything. And couldn’t. Couldn’t speak. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t hang on to consciousness.
At first he thought it was a Halloween prop thrown out too late, but then it moved. Not a big movement but a definite twitch. He went over to look a little closer and saw the purple and black body that belonged to the shattered starfish of a hand. If he had been down this alley a year ago, he would have called 9-1-1. He would have thrown this man in the back of his car and driven him to the nearest hospital all expenses paid. He would have done something for this man. But that was a year ago. That was before he was sorry for himself. That was before he’d lost everything. Now it no longer mattered. Human pain and suffering had no place left in this man’s heart. It was too full of self pity and self loathing. Far too full of self to even reach in his pocket and dial the three numbers that would save this man’s life. Far too full of self to even wait here with this man while his lungs shuddered out a few final breaths. He had an appointment to make. An appointment with Candy. His curiosity satisfied, and other desires longing to be he turned on his Italian made heel and stepped if not more quickly then more purposefully down the alley to the third door on the left. To Candy. To forgetfulness.
He woke up to a smell. Not entirely unpleasant, but definitely there. Definitely strong. It was sweet, but too sweet. The kind of smell invented to cover up smells. To cover up sins. To hide them beneath the waves of lavender, rose and lilac with a hint of cinnamon. He woke up to a face. Smudged paint around calculating eyes. Eyes that had probably seen death this close before. That weren’t shocked by anything. Eyes that hid behind walls built up out of habit, out of fear, out of desperation. Eyes that had seen the worst in every man she’d ever met. She saw him breathe. One lonely heave of the chest. He was alive. His left eye was closed by cuts and swelling, his right eye almost there but it was following her. She moved her finger in front of it. First left then right. It tracked. He was alive. Alive and awake. She looked in her purse. She had to give her cell phone away. She couldn’t afford it anymore. Besides, he would just take it away again. He would beat her and take it away. She kept leafing through the contents of her purse. Her pills, her other pills. Her makeup. There. The roll of cash she’d been working towards rent with. The roll of cash that was her lifeboat away from him, from everything this life wanted. The roll of cash that this man needed to stay alive. She couldn’t take him to the hospital. If anyone saw her there with a naked broken man, they’d tell him. He didn’t like attention. He’d probably end up killing her. She knew a doctor. He’d helped her out before when she’d had to pinch out a couple of lights growing in her belly. He had been nice. He had been discreet, but he hadn’t been cheap. She left for five minutes and pulled her car up alongside the man. She tugged him into the backseat as gently as possible and covered him with a blanket stolen from the motel room.
It was only a fifteen minute drive to the doctor’s house. He lived in the suburbs closest to the city. He lived alone. His wife was dead and he didn’t have any kids. When he opened the door he was in his bathrobe, his skinny, veined ankles leading to worn slippers that could’ve been pink once. She explained that she’d found the man. That she didn’t know who he was. That he was broken. That he’d been broken for a long time. That if he needed more money to take care of him she could get it to him in a week. Then she drove away. She drove away crying. Crying because the world was broken. Crying because she couldn’t fix it. Because she couldn’t fix herself.